6s vs Old Blues 4s 18.04.15

So here we are after all the usurpers, the young pretenders the literate and the illiterate, the wordsmith (that’s rapper to you Jay) has returned to wax lyrical and regal you with this week’s match report.

So after a headache for the boss (me) with tem selection midweek causing problems with even more players wishing to join the happy ranks of the sixth team the final selection was made, the back room chats had been done and the disappointed remained disappointed. We lined up with a strong side (as in footballing ability rather than our ability to bench press!) Yes Ryan I have seen the dust gathering on your weights!

With Alexander the Meercat in goal he can’t catch but bugger me his insurance quotes are good and you get a free doll! (No Harry not inflatable Ingrid your flexible friend’)

A solid looking back four of Harry Steve Kev and Baz. Yes the back four not blessed with pace looks or ability but hey they are a giggle at parties!

Midfield was a hard choice with Ryan Ram Mat and Martin leaving a late addition to the squad Fraser on the bench as Jay woke up with a large swelling and was unable to play as Baz was not there to help him with his ‘little swelling’!

That left Nuno and Arnold up front and a strong bench of Johnny the battering ram and Fraser.

As usual I now apologise for the lack of factual content from the game as having got this far into the report I have drunk half a glass of lager and have now reverted into being a silly billy ! smile happy face.

They kicked off and with the wind in our favour with Kev actually winning a toss, I said winning not having, we immediately put them under pressure but unfortunately our chance fell to Mat who seems to have developed what can only be described as a balloon foot with his usual volleying ability having abandoned him in the last few weeks with the only thing looking worried when he shoots is over flying birds, planes or satellites! In fact Sky are trying to blame him for loss of signal to several countries.

The game continued with Old Blues playing some nice stuff and being hard to break down at the back but with no real cutting edge up front in fact without our enigmatic Spence we were surprisingly unflustered at the back it’s amazing what having a keeper who is not 102 years old with the reactions of a slug on valium can do to a defence’s confidence.

The game continued in the same vein with us having the bulk of play and the best chances and then the unthinkable Harry who, incidently, is off to Vegas this week with his own Wolf pack (ok he is going on his own not armed with any date rape drugs what so ever. But seriously don’t accept a beer from him or his hair who appears to be an entirely different entity!) Sorry I digress. Harry played a lovely cross to the back post our young lion Ryan the star of previous weeks ran in and from all of six yards passed the ball back to the keeper! Was it his week defending last week or has he been watching his dad shoot over the last few years? Personally I think the pressure of Arsenals impending FA Cup game was playing on his mind.

After 20minutes Fraser replaced Martin in midfield and again we created a great chance from a free kick Kev ghosted in (ok charged like a rampant bull on Viagra who had just spotted a cow bending over in a provocative manner) and dived in heading just wide with a great clearance shame he was attacking!

Matt knocked another couple of satellites out of orbit and pissed off ET’S all around the planet with his volleying and new found ability to moan (his new nick name is THRUSH work it out!)

Half time came 0-0 we did not take advantage of the wind and were looking like a second half of defending.

The second half kicked off with the forwards knocking the ball back to Ram who played a one yard pass to Fraser which nearly did not reach him Fraser obviously fueled by the bosses half time rant got the ball and went on a mazey run around five players then out of nowhere let fly 30 yards out the ball moved left it moved right it did a bloody loop the loop foxed their keeper and bounced into the net 1-0 ! As everyone celebrated Ram claimed an assist for his dodgy one yard pass! The opposition then took it upon themselves to treat Fraser like their own personal punch bag kicking him at every opportunity and even trying to put his nuts into orbit with Mats footballs. The game went on and on a bit like my match report but less funny. With stout defending with the excepting on Steve’s fifty pence heading we did not looked too bothered until with 10 minutes to go the ref took a nasty blow to the head (no not another of Mats wayward shots) and went down like Baz on Jay in the showers!

He got up and seemed fine except had added 45 minutes to the game! We still held on despite his best efforts not to blow his whistle and gained a valuable three points to move us up the table and well away from relegation having completed a league/cup triple over Old Blues. Man of the match had to be Fraser not only for the goal but battling well and anyone who gets kicked in the nuts like that and gets on with it is either a gelding, a masochist or a double hard bar steward.

Positives from this week loads of people want to play with the sixes, with a keeper we look good (well he is from team handsome) and the team as a whole played a wonderful game in the spirit of football (I can say that as we won)

Next week’s match report from either Fraser, Frasers left testicle who has gone his own way or Harrys hair who decided not to go to Vegas as he did not want to be seen with Harrys orange life jacket!

The usual disclaimer if I have offending you – deal with it, if I have not offended you – I am sorry I will put you top of my list!

Yours in sport The Boss

Vote me for player of the year if you want to start next week

And finally congratulations to Nuno for embracing English culture and getting pissed before games and turning up with his head in a different universe!